


she doesn't need to know that it's love

by Echoe



Category: Sweet Elite (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/F, One-Sided Attraction, POV Second Person, Songfic, Unrequited Love, i dont??? know????, terms are complicated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, yes hello this is my first songfic and of course i picked a fucking sad gay song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24552532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Echoe/pseuds/Echoe
Summary: She'll never know, but you'd move mountains for Neha. You'd bring down the sun with your bare hands if she asked.
Relationships: Neha Rao/Scholar, Neha/Scholar
Kudos: 8





	she doesn't need to know that it's love

**Author's Note:**

> a songfic ???? in THIS economy ???? it's more likely than you think  
> Song used : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEdZFhCEjWI

You know you're in love with Neha.  
At this point, you couldn't even try to deny it if you wanted to (and you don't want to, anyway).  
And you know it's not just a crush. Some passing attraction. You know all that.  
You need to use the big words for what you're feeling for her. Which, to be quite honest, is a bit scary. But you've come to terms with that.

_Am I allowed_  
_To look at her like that?_

Even Karolina's threat doesn't scare you anymore. You were a bit wary of approaching Neha at first because of it, but it's alright now.  
To be fair, _she_ doesn't scare you anymore. She might not like you (though you're pretty sure that she's growing rather fond of you), but you don't really mind.  
You've gotten used to her cutting remarks. They're like part of the scenery, now. Something familiar.  
Good for you, honestly. Hanging out with Neha would be exhausting if you couldn't stand Karolina.

_Could it be wrong_  
_When she's just so nice to look at?_

The only problem with the model now is how perceptive she is. Or maybe it's just because she's around you so often, you're not really sure.  
Point is, she knows. She's the only one who knows, or at least the only one who's commented on it.  
It's probably because when you all eat together, she notices the glances you steal at Neha when she isn't looking.  
Or because she's seen you interact with enough people to know that you only perk up that way when her best friend is involved.  
Or maybe the fondness in your eyes when you speak with Neha is just really, really obvious.  
(You're a bit disappointed in yourself for not being able to fool the model.)  
The first time she's said anything, it was back when the two of you really weren't on good terms. Something about you being out of Neha's league.  
The second time, you were almost what you could call friends. She'd been softer. Just told you how you needed to tone it down with the heart eyes.

_And she smells like lemongrass and sleep_  
_She tastes like apple juice and peach_  
_Oh, you would find her in a Polaroid picture_  
_And she means everything to me, oh_

But how could you? How could you, when you feel like your heart's going to burst whenever she smiles your way? How could you, when her darkened cheeks are the loveliest thing you've ever seen?  
Just brushing your hand against hers is enough to make you combust.  
Once, you'd had a sleepover with the girls, and Karolina had fallen asleep first, and you'd listened to Neha sleepily talking about her family and there had been so much love in her voice that you'd almost cried.  
That night, you'd almost confessed your love for her right there and then.

_I'd never tell_  
_No, I'd never say a word_  
_And oh, it aches_  
_But it feels oddly good to hurt_

Almost.  
But you know that, at the end of the day, you'll never tell her a thing.  
You barely even _flirt_ with her anymore.  
You used to, yes. Used to compliment her in a way that was too passionate to be friendly. Used to grab her hand for no reason at all. (No reason that she could see, at least. You knew it was just because it felt so nice to hold it.)  
(You wonder if you talking about how pretty Neha's eyes are for a solid two minutes is what tipped Karolina off.)  
That was all a while ago.

_And she smells like lemongrass and sleep_  
_She tastes like apple juice and peach_  
_Oh, you would find her in a Polaroid picture_  
_And she means everything to me_

It's not like you don't want to do all that anymore.  
You want to do that all the time, to be quite honest.  
You want to constantly tell her how beautiful she is, how amazing she is, you want to hold her hand, to caress her face, to kiss her forehead, to-  
You want a lot.  
And, on occasions, you want to tell her that you love her.  
You want to profess your love for her to the entire world.

_And I'll be okay admiring from afar_

You want to do all that, but you've accepted that you'll never do any of it.  
And it's not that bad, honestly.  
You can still hang out with her as friends. Enjoy her company, and laugh together.  
The girl could probably use more friends, and you're happy to be able to help with that.

_'Cause even when she's next to me_  
_We could not be more far apart_

Or maybe not, you're not sure.  
Because when you're sitting next to her as she's sketching, barely noticing you, you're not sure that she really cares that you're here.  
You'd ask, but you're a bit scared of the answer. You just try to enjoy being able to spend time with her at all.  
In general, it's pretty obvious that her work will always be more important than you, though.  
It consumes so much of her time.  
Maybe that's what made you give up.  
You weren't sure she'd ever want to spare time for you.  
(She's already stretching herself thin.)

_And she tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall_  
_But to her, I taste of nothing at all_

It hurts a bit to think about it. Though that's not really surprising.  
Unrequited love hurts like a bitch.  
You think you don't let it show _too_ much though. There shouldn't be _too_ much longing in your gaze.  
(Just enough for Karolina to ask why you're not even trying anymore.)

_And she smells like lemongrass and sleep_  
_She tastes like apple juice and peach_  
_Oh, you would find her in a Polaroid picture_

You're just left with daydreams and lots of feelings.  
Sometimes you wonder if imagining a life together with her is a bit too much for a teenager.  
But it's your goddamn fantasies, and you're not going to deprive yourself of that, too.  
(Otherwise you're probably going to cry.)

_And she means everything to me_  
_Yes, she means everything to me_

When both of you graduate, you don't know what will become of your relationship.  
There's a good chance that you'll lose each other, and it's a terrifying thing to think about.  
But, for now, you'll just try to spend as much time with her as you can.  
You'll try to be there for her whenever she needs you to.  
Even if she'll never love you, you want to shower her with your love constantly. So that she'll never feel alone.  
Love and support are all you can give her. So that's what you'll do, until she tells you that it's enough.

_She means everything to me_

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes you're gay and want fluff  
> sometimes you're gay and you want to be fucking sad :^)


End file.
